The Relationship Between How I Look and Feel (Self-Care)

There’s this invisible thread that ties my inner world to my outer appearance. It’s something I used to ignore, especially when I didn’t really feel like taking care of myself. I didn’t grow up following a lot of traditional “feminine beauty rules”—and for a long time, I kind of wore that like a badge of honor. Like, look at me showing up to life with messy hair and absolutely no moisturizer. Bold, right?

But these days, I see it differently.

I see beauty rituals as something deeper: not about vanity or perfection, but about reflection. How I look is often a soft echo of how I feel inside. And once I noticed that connection, I couldn’t unsee it.

It’s like drinking some magic potion: Think Megan Fox in Jennifer’s Body

When My Hair Screams What My Heart Feels

When I’m frazzled and rushing out the door, you can usually tell—because my hair is giving full-on “electrical socket chic.” The more chaotic I feel, the more dramatic the frizz. It’s giving I styled my hair with a leaf blower. It’s giving chaos. It’s giving “no time for a brush.”

And it’s never just the hair though, right? It’s the energy. It’s the vibe. My insides feel scrambled, and my outsides are like, “Copy that.

Depression Wrote Itself on My Face

When I used to get depressed—which, to be real, was the only constant for the first 30 years of my life—my body would tell on me. I’d see it in the mirror before I even knew it was happening. I have a naturally skinny frame, so if I wasn’t eating or taking care of myself, the signs showed up fast:  

The sparkle would fade. My skin would dull. I’d wear a vacant stare like I’m buffering in real life.

Everything would just… dim.

I wouldn’t even realize how far I’d slipped until I caught a glimpse of myself and thought, Yikes. Who’s that haunted Victorian child?”

The Glow That No Highlighter Can Fake

But on the flip side—when I’m feeling good? Oh, you can tell. There’s a quiet confidence that shines through, even if I’m just in leggings and a hoodie. There’s a glow no highlighter can fake. A bounce. A sparkle in my eyes.

It’s like drinking some magic potion:

Think Megan Fox in Jennifer’s Body—but instead of blood from horny teenage boys, it’s just a good self-care routine.

(And yes, even the first kid—you know damn well if you were a teenage boy and Megan Fox told you to follow her into some trees, you would.)

My Bathroom: From Sink and Shower to Sacred Space

When I’m doing well, my self-care routine becomes kind of… magical. What was previously just a bathroom is now my temple, where I do what looks like weird sacred rituals sans a sacrifice.

I’m talking lighting candles, burning Palo Santo, chanting affirmations. Bubbles in my bath are rising around me like a ceremony.

I’m totally kidding—my bubble baths are really just a few natural ingredients from the kitchen, essential oils, and lots of Dr Teal’s with frequency music playing softly in the background.

If you’ve never detox-bathed while listening to 528 Hz and meditating your soul clean of all bad vibes… HIGHLY recommend.

Yes, I’m That Girl Mixing Potions Like a Beauty Witch

I am 100% that girl who mixes up her own beauty “potions”. If you ever see a woman in an open robe looking like a messy-bun loving forest witch, stirring a concoction of coconut oil, sugar, and essential oils guaranteed to burn the nose hairs of any first-time sniffer—it’s me. Hello.

I LOVE making my own products out of natural ingredients. That way, I know exactly what I’m putting in and on my body. (You only get one, right!)

I do admit, I still occasionally play guinea pig with fun, new beauty treatments—like chemical peels I probably spent 436 hours researching while listening to astrology podcasts. (Hey, gotta watch those Venus Retrogrades, amiright?)

Speaking Of Putting Things In Your Body

Food. I’m talking about food. Although…. Yes, be careful what you’re putting in your body.. Know what I’m sayin’? Wink wink. Some dicks are attached to assholes. There, I said it. But back to food!

Not many people want to bother with intermittent fasting, raw foods or going vegan – and hey, neither do I! But I’ve dabbled in it all, and those times were the best I’ve ever felt and looked. Little changes are big changes, and this is huge for your nails, hair and skin. If you have the discipline, cut out all that sugar, soda, and junk food. When I did, it didn’t take long before the cravings stopped. And when I tried eating sugar again for the first time, it tasted like poison. Want to give your body a reset – cut out the crap and try intermittent fasting. Drink lotsa water…always! Take a diluted apple cider vinegar shot every day (make sure it has “the Mother”). Try oil pulling sometime, too, which is great for teeth and oral health! Okay okay, I’m starting to get off topic…

It’s Not About Perfection—It’s About Presence

This isn’t about chasing some Instagram-filtered version of myself. It’s about showing up for me. It’s about honoring myself with rituals that feel good, not just look good.

And the better I feel, the more I naturally want to nurture the way I look—not for anyone else, but because it feels like returning to myself.

How Moving My Body Helped Heal My Mind

Exercising and lifting weights isn’t always a vanity thing. What people don’t tell you is: once you get establish a routine, it’s ADDICTING. You get a high off feeling like you are physically invincible from all those endorphins coursing through your veins, while naturally craving healthier foods to feed your beautiful new bod.

After the gym, I take walks in the park. I love to stop, close my eyes, and feel the sun on my skin and the breeze in my hair, reminding me that I’m alive.

And another thing people don’t talk about enough: yoga! Did you know trauma stores itself in the body? There are certain positions you can do that release it.. and it can be surprisingly emotional.. feelings seemingly come out of nowhere. Like, imagine bursting into tears during Happy Baby for no good reason. That.

Do you enjoy dancing? Turn on your favorite music and dance in your undies like no one is watching. This is something that really helped me connect to my body and let go of so much. Who knew dancing was healing? Well…. it’s actually called ecstatic dancing, and it’s a healing practice that has been traced back to ancient civilizations.

But moving your body is so important. There is something for everybody, and I can’t recommend finding the right activity for you enough. Personally, regular exercise has completely replaced my antidepressant (along with years of consistent inner work, of course). Please note: I’m not a professional, I am only sharing my experience – I will never suggest that someone should stop taking their prescribed medications.

Tiny Rituals, Big Conversations with Myself

After a heavenly self-pampering session, there’s only one thing left to do: Love yourself completely.

Giving yourself a nice massage is so great for connecting your body to YOURSELF. (Also, it’s surprisingly sensual.) Get some lotion or oil, put some music on—and once you’re past the awkward stage, it gets… interesting. I’ll just say this: when you feel sexy, you walk sexy.

These little routines are my signals. If I haven’t done my skincare in three days? I know something’s up. If my hair’s been in a crusty bun all week? Time for a mental check-in.

There’s something beautiful about turning tiny acts of care into a conversation with yourself. Like, “Hey, are we okay?” Sometimes the answer is no—and that’s okay too. I have the routines that work for me, so I just do a little redirecting.

Beauty Is in the Trying

Some days the vibes will be low. Sometimes it shows. That doesn’t make me less beautiful. But noticing the signs helps me give myself what I need.

Other days, when I catch my reflection and I look radiant, it’s usually because I feel radiant.

So yeah, these days I follow a few more of those “feminine beauty rules.”  

Not because I have to. But because I want to. Because taking care of myself feels like honoring myself. And because there’s something kind of amazing about looking in the mirror and seeing a face that says, “I’m doing okay.” Or at the very least, “I’m trying.”

And that, to me, is what beauty really is.

If you have a ritual that helps you feel more ‘you,’ share it below!